Sex After Baby
It's no surprise that the immediate postpartum period is the most significant hormone shift in the shortest amount of time within anyone's lifetime. A new parent might vacillate from feeling like the most ethereal, powerful goddess to minutes later choking back tears over a clump of hair in the shower drain (iykyk).
Along with all the other pressures of parenthood, there can be an expectation that, once getting the "all clear" from the OB at the six week mark, the desire for intimacy is going to come rushing back. Many find that's not so and wonder "what's wrong with me?". Others are titillated at the idea, but are weary about where to start.
Something to remember is that this birthing body is a new one. One that might carry new folds, or new scars, new lines, or new colours. It might still be shared with a baby, or a baby and a toddler. It is also carrying new wisdom. Just like when we first started to discover our bodies and share them with others, there's a bit of re-introduction and exploration that needs to happen. Recognize that your desires may have changed. The things that used to feel good might not anymore and there may be new experiences that surprise you in the best way. Slow is the name of the game. And don't forget the lube!
At the heart of this discovery, intimacy - and the quality of that intimacy - should be the goal.
Here's are two exercises to try:
Begin with some embodied breathing. What is that? Well, breathing deeply while connecting with your body from head to toe. Place your hand on your belly and breathe into that space so your belly rises with each inhalation. With your eyes closed, bring yourself to a place that feels safe for you. This might be your favourite spot by the ocean, or a specific room in your house, or at the top of a mountain. If you don’t feel you have a place like that, use your imagination to create the most nurturing, beautiful spot you can think of. Let yourself rest there. As you breathe, scan your body for any tension that you’re holding and let it move through you. Breathe down into your pelvic floor and send the energy and tension through your legs and right into the ground, into the center of the earth. Check in with yourself and see how it feels to rest in your own body.
Once you’ve centered yourself with a few deep breaths, move on to playing around with different kinds of touch. You are welcome to start this practice with your partner or by yourself. Whatever feels comfortable. Place your hands on your (or their) wrists and slowly run them up the arm, using the lightest touch you can. So light that there’s barely contact with the skin. Pause when you reach the upper arms and hold them firmly. Spend a moment squeezing gently, but with intention. Continue on to other parts of the body with this dance between feathery touches and more firm holding. See what you or your partner responds to. If you’re with your person, use some of the pauses and holding touch moments to look into their eyes. Remember to breathe deeply and slowly!
