Take it from us there is nothing more exciting than the arrival home of your newborn. Everyone will want to come and greet your little one. While you want to share the joy, trust us, there will be plenty of time for that. Make sure to regulate your new routine before you overbook your social calendar. This is just one of the most important tips we can give you as a new mom. There will certainly be some postpartum visitors that trump this policy. As doulas we have been present for an early infant visit or two and have been the ones calming the nerves of families pre and post said visit. To avoid this anxiety, stop what you are doing Copy and Paste this link in their messenger.
These are our TOP 5 things most every parent wishes their postpartum visitors knew.
Don’t take anything personally – Right now the core family needs to bond, acclimate and discover each other as a unit for the first time. Allowing this time for family attunement will be beneficial for all in the long run. So, if you are asked to keep your distance, or be patient, understand that you are not (and should not be) the priority right now. Also, no matter how helpful you “know” you are, you’re better off to be asked then to offer your opinion. There will be a time and place for everything now may just not be it and try not to overstay your welcome.
Check in – not just a call or text while you are on the road to the house. But, actually check in to see if your visit is permitted. Even if you are not coming over check in. Call and ask not only about the baby, but about the parents. Parents of newborns often need just as much attending to. Being asked how you are may make someone’s day. Check in to see if there is anything you can bring. A little snack and some coffee always makes visits so much more tolerable.
Be of Service – the last thing any new parent needs is to host a luncheon for the family every day. When you come to visit, offer some help around the house. Offering to do simple chores like dishes or putting up a load of laundry can be a real help. Recommend that while you are there that a parent take a nap or a bath or find some quiet time for themselves, this is the most wonderful gift you can give them. Providing peace may guarantee piece of mind which will also guarantee you an invitation to return.
Germs are the NOT welcome – whether you think it is “just” allergies or you are “over” your illness. Germs to infants and parents are never appreciated. Wash your hands when you enter the home, leave your shoes and coats at the door. In fact, if you have children of your own, leaving them home might help too. Schools are usually Petri dishes and school age children tend to carry more germs than most.
Wait to be asked - even if you are absolutely dyeing to hold the baby, don’t ask. Wait to be offered to hold the baby. Asking is not ok. Chances are if the parent feels comfortable with you holding their child they will put them in your arms. If they don’t please revisit Rule #1.